todae gt sportsdae. f*ing hot sia. cannot tahan. yupp. went to kbox wif xuan n shifu. nt reali v fun. can sae bored. but shifu made e dae. hehe.

todae was a v v bad dae. though e weather was quite alrite todae. heard sth i shldnt. n my mood was buang. ha. den went fer lit lesson in e ava rm. reali reali bad mood. den Mas still sit at my place. was totali pissed of. sorta figth wif yazid over e control fer e aircon. switched it off. n dat's it. in e end i won. Mas left e seat. so? i brokedwn. cried again. nt sob, but cry. haix. when can i eva recover? it's a long long journey. =(

爱人应该是要用 [心] 去爱,
不是用 [脑子] 去爱,
怎可能用脑子计划好,
你应该要爱什么人呢?

quote taken frm [sweet lemon] book.
but it's so true!

( fer those hu cant see chi wrd. here's e translation)

u shld use ur [heart] to lurve someone,
nt use [brain],
how can u use ur brain,
to decide hu u shld lurve?

todae is a damn f*ing hot dae. den gt pe somemore. but of cos i was slacking la. haha. todae's tut was quite easy to pass la. so it was alrite. was released at ard 4.30 liddat. den met up wif shifu fer a while. v long nv c him liao. miss him man. haha. he going skating. so me n xuan pei him go. but sat outside c him. cos i gt CURFEW! yupp. i c shifu like c god liddat. all e unhappiness gone. but he shi zhong cannot pei me like how u use to pei me. haix. shifu didnt noe abt it. den he ask me nv go out wif u meh? den i buang. ha. one dae gone liddat. another dae. god. haven eat hungry sia. oh ya! dunno gud news or bad news. me shou le. ha. haven been eating well. haven been slping well oso. to me it's a gud news bah. but fer yi qian de ni, sure scold me de. but i dun tink e scolding is necessary bah. cos i nv skip my meals when i'm wif u. haix.

all i wan to sae now is "wo zhen de zhen de hen ai ni. all i can tink of is u. shen me dou shi ni. mei yi fen mei yi miao. haix. couldnt concentrate on anyting. cannot study oso. but do u noe all tis anot?" someone get me outta tis deep pit pls!

twentyfive. april .2oo5
ytd was f*ing. mood swing even more jialat. some time of e dae was okay den suddenly will drop to negative den v negative. worst still. ytd went hum at abt 11+ liddat. parents kaobei like hell. f*ing byatch (mum) confiscated my fone n my POSB card. she whole nite dwn dere niam niam niam. non stop. freaking tired of tis life lor. his tingy oso haven get over den came another one. reali v tired. zhen de hen lei hen lei. i used to hav u to comfort me n cheer me up. but now, u arent here. i'm alone, fighting tis battle. reali bu xiang huo xia qu le. e pressure i'm under now is cannot describe de lor. haix.

twentysix. april .2oo5
todae wasnt a v gud dae either. xing qing bu shi hen hao. all thanks to beh yong hua. stress me up wif all e maths tingy. freaking. cried again. cos i heard 'an jing'. you xiang qi ni. had a small heart-to-heart tok wif xuan todae. in klass. liao jie le yi dian dian ta nei xin de shi jie. cos i read her 'diary'. yupp. abt lotsa tings de diary. gt abt me oso. shall nt go into it. *xuan ah, nxt time gt anything jus sae lor. dun keep it to urself. dun 'tok' to e diary oso. they wont reply u de. u'll be toking to blocks okay.* yeah. curfew at 6. reached hum at ard 6. like hell. when they came back, HE (freaking dad) was at it again. scoldings. scoldings n scoldings. cried. once again. wonder how many times mus i cry each dae. cos of him, frens, family. i noe u made me promise nt to shed another tear fer u after [17 apr 2oo5]. i tried. but i failed. i noe promise r nt meant to be broken. i didnt broke mine intentionally. but u broke urs. nt onli one, but many. sick n tired of everything. wad can i do? i wanna be relieve of all tis sufferings n pain. hu can help me? pls.

todae is sundae liao. fen shou di qi tian. didnt wish to wake up so earli de. but i actuali woke up at 8+. budden i forced myself to slp back. so i slept until 12.30. haix. yi jing kai shi man man shi ying mei you ni de ri zi le. but it's terrible. it's thanks to everyone's concern dat i can hang on until now. reali. thanks peeps. i noe these r my true frens. cos they r wif me when i needed them. now got nth to do. actuali ask xuan pei me cum out study de. budden she sae she lazy. fine lor. n wad now? she goin limbang study wif WH. asshole. den lata den mit her go cwp watch shikoku. movie marathorn sia. k la. gonna go prepare liao. go dere give her surprise. tata!

todae ish a saturdae. a sunny dae oso. woke up earli in da morning fer breakfast wif dada, jet n xuan. was v reluctant to wake up. but dun hav a choice. so after eating go fer lit tut. farking hot sia. though in aircon rm. was v restless. didnt hav da mood to listen to cher. cos v sleepy. but in e end still manage to survive n get sth into my bloody brains. den after dat went wif dada, xuan to JEC fer para. den lunch at pizza hut. den go jurong library to study. haha. dere was tis guy who was working at pizza hut. he was damn shy sia. we ask him take order nia he shy until tok so soft. lol. me was kinda pissed but found him quite cute la. howeva, nobody can be compared to 'u'. haix. den in e library mood swing. dunno y oso. maybe c too many couples liao. ha. crap. wrote a diary entry. almost cried again. but sucked back me tears. managed to finish one chi compo. an achievement? ha ha. stoned fer quite a while. den dada n xuan sian diao liao. they no mood to continue liao. den we went back to arcade to play. me vent my anger until v shuang. best wae to cure heartaches. den mummy ask me go hum fer dinner liao lor. so here i m writing tis entry.

twentytwo. april .2oo5
ha. todae was suppose to be 2mths de. was suppose to be out wif him. in e end was out wif xuan n james. went to CWP. hav dinner at KFC n watch "e pacifier". though was out wif them, xin li xiang de hai shi ta. dat guy ah, weird weird de. dun wanna elaborate. xia dao wo le. he made me tot of e past. tot abt u. haix. reali sux. de feeling sux. all i can sae is v sad. infact i wasnt happie at all fer e past few daes. mei you hua shuo le. ming tian shi wo men fen shou de di qi tian. suddenly tot of tis song by stella ng. "fen shou di qi tian". it best describes my feelings. " hen xiang zhi dao ni zui jing guo de zen yang. shi fou hai xiang yi wang bu duo hua? hen xiang bo tong dian hua wen ni hao ma. que pa ting ni sheng yin hui gen shang. ...........dui ni de si nian, yi tian jia duo yi dian. ..........hen xiang wo ni de shou chong xin lai guo. que zhi bu ke neng de shi tai duo. fen shou you shi bu shi wei le shui cuo. zhi neng mo mo jie shou zhe xin tong. " haix. zhen de hen xiang hen xiang ni. hen xiang bian cheng tian shi, yong yuan de shou zai ni shen bian.

hmmm. todae was quite a gd dae fer me bah. watched infection! scare de hell outta me man. so disgusting sia. green green tingy all over. illusion. all caused by illusion. haha. noe i went wif hu?? cai ye cai bu dao. hehe. went wif xuan(as usual), wei koon(a bit surprising ah), LIM WEI LIANG!!(so RARE) n xiao junhao(rare oso). haha. nice bunch of ppl to hang out wif. after sch suppose to hav tut de. but zaharah nv cum. so we tot nth on lor. cos intended to pon POA tut liao. heh heh. *went outta hand w/o ur supervision* go eat pizza fer lunch. nice one. quite a quiet meal sia. so scary. stunning. realised dat lim burps as loud as me!! he can be reali fun oso. but ah dun make decisions de. f*ing. xiao junhao oso. luff luff luff nia. but at least betta den lim la. xuan, me n koon clicked on e most. toking, luffing making all e decisions oso.

haix. in e movie ah. candy mi suddenly ask us sat wanna go ECP cycle anot. she didnt noe wad happen dere. so was tinking whether shld i go anot leh. hen xiang qu, ke shi you pa hui xiang qi yi qian de shi, chu jing shang qing. dun wish to be reminded of e past happie moments. but i noe it's inevitable. cant avoid it fereva wad rite. haix. shall end here. nth to sae liao. buaix.

hmmm. here i m, blogging again. haix. 4th dae? macham 4 yrs liddat. du ri ru nian. f*ing. tried so hard to control my emotions in sch. i did make it. luff v hard in sch. luff at e slightest tingy so keep myself look happie in front of everyone. i didnt wan to pretend. i reali didnt wan to. but i'm left wif no choice. dat's all i can do to make everyone nt to worri fer me. i hated to be alone. e feeling jus scares me. cos i would tink wild if i'm alone. dun wan to. but no choice. i wasnt give any choice eva since seventeen. april .2oo5. all i can do is tolerate n keep everything to myself. cant tell anyone. nt even my close frens. shan is attached now. so she wont reali understand how i felt now. as fer xuan. she'll sae all those dat is of no help to me. all she'll do is make me cry n cry over n over again. telling me to carve tings on my hand to relieve myself. craps. so i cnat listen to her oso. candy? she'll jus sae wait fer miracles to happen. den *hugs*. den " dun tink so much ". dat's all. now u ppl sae wadeva tingy oso cant get into my brains. cos it's stuffed wif memories, memories n memories. n him n him n him. ytd nite dreamt of ferris wheel. hurh. big big one. reminds me of 'ur' dream. e promise. dat we'll go sit ferris wheel together. but in ytd's dream, i was alone. alone looking at e ferris wheel n tinking of 'u'. haix. everything is e past liao.

tis morning woke up. same old tingy. tot of 'u' first. den how m i going to spend todae happily. haix. but no ans. den shan ask me pei her go wm buy her 1mth pressie. oh god. of all ppl, y me. was v v unwilling to go. but dun wanna pangseh her oso. no choice again. haix. twenty-four. april .2oo5. her 1mth. twenty-too. april .2oo5. suppose to be 'our' 2mths. haix. coincidence. too much of a coincidence. too much fer me to take. was so looking forward to dat dae. but all is nth now.

everyone was like asking me if i'm okay everydae. of cos mus reply okay la. if nt reply nt okay meh. sick n tired of it lor. i noe they care abt me. but they didnt noe it make me feel even more sad. haix. midyr cuming v v soon. wondering how to cope wif all tis stress. if i do badly fer tis time, i'm doom! reali doom. bt mit my doom sooner oso gd la. dun hav to suffer so much. sch work, e breakup. all tis giving me alot of troubles. v troubled by it. sooner or lata sure fall sick sure breakdown one lor. me nt robots. cannot take everything at 1 go de lor. haix. jian chi dao hen xin ku. you shui ke yi lai bang bang wo, bang wo du guo zhe ge nan guan. haix. chu le ni, hai hui you shui you zhe ge neng li pei wo du guo hei ye, zou xiang ming tian. haix.

haix. second dae of it. n i'm feeling reali terrible thruout e whole dae. tried v hard to hold back my tears but failed. haix. you hen duo hen duo hua yao dui ni shuo. ke shi dou mei you ji hui le. xian zai de wo shen me shi dou yao zi ji zuo. yi qian dou hui you ni lai bang wo. shou guo yao bing jian zuo zhan de. ke shi ni tu ran jian jiu zhe yang li kai le wo, rang wo zi ji yi ge ren mian dui suo you de yi qie. zhen de hen huai nian wo men yi qian suo yong you de mei yi fen, mei yi miao. wo zhi dao yi qie dou guo qu le. suo you de yi qie dou jiang cheng wei guo qu. ke shi, wo hui yi zhi deng dai qi ji de chu xian. ying wei yu jian ni shi yi zhong qi ji. wo xiang xing hai hui you qi ji chu xian de. mei you ni de mei yi tian, xing fu li wo hao yao yuan. mei you ni de ri zi, wo bu zhi dao yao zhen me gou. yi qian de wo, yi qi lai di yi ge xiang dao de jiu shi ni. ran hou jiu hui sms ni. xian zai de wo yi ran mei you bian. qi lai di yi ge xiang dao de jiu shi ni. ke shi bian de shi wo bu neng sms ni le. every morning i woke up wif life n hope. now, i've lost all of it. wo shen me shi hou cai neng zhen zuo qi lai, mian dui xian shi ne? yi qie dou bian le. tai duo tai duo.

*a lurve nest fer me n him*
( tune adapted frm jay chou, an jing)

save tis wonderful date in ur memory
write down in ur diary
19th of feburary

tis is e first time i c a pink fairy
i tot i am dreaming
it is reality

everything seems to be like a fantasy
all i cna do is try to make u happie by reading till now i guess u mus be smiling
baby i lurve u my darling

chorus:
u r my lurve at first sight
n u will be by my side
to catch e shining stars dta twinkle in e nite
i've nv seen stars so bright
nt bcos i slp at nite
cos u r my shining lite
n i'm ur mr rite

u r e breath of my life
a lurver no one can find
n nth pls me more to learn dta u r mine
ppl sae lurve is gamble
wif lots of wars n battles
i'm gonna make it betta
let me lurve u fereva


*end*



end of song. end of our rs. haix. u lurved me. but i will continue to lurve u. nv end.







signed off by
*// xindi-hurttx *//

reccount of ytd first.

sixteen. april .2oo5
hmmm. earli in e morning was suppose to mit xuan n shilei at 11.30 de. budden i overslept. woke up at 10.55 liddat. budden reach dere shilei still haven cum. haha. den went to eat den walk walk cos shilei wanna buy sth. den went to sch fer e campfire. but it rained like hell! sia la. tot will bcum gang show liao. but in e end e rain stop. hooray! so e campfire went on as planned. all i noe is v fun. went totali crazy. but ran outta energy frm 2nd half onwards. den our performance was great i tink. den after everything gt mass dance. even more crazy sia. xuan totali went bonkers. had lotsa fun dere lor. den after e whole tingy i msged dear. no shld be nest. yupp. fear n sadness overcum happiness. i knew dat he has sth to tell me. i noe. dun wish to go on. den went hum on my own. intended to walk hum de. but my legs dun allow me to. yeah. den my whole dae ended liddat.

seventeen. april .2oo5
todae was hell fer me. i woke up n msged nest. told him abt my dream. den he cum clean wif me. he shld hav told me ytd. nt todae. or even tml oso can. jiu shi bu neng jin tian tell me. but bu shuo dou shuo le. tis is e end. of my life.

hmmm. another dae gone. todae gt NAPHA. so tiring sia. weather hot like hell. so humid. sweating like hell even in klass oso liddat. let me reccount wad happen ytd.

twelfth. april .2oo5
after tut dear cum sch mit me. at first wanna go JP de. cos go lot1 until sian liao. budden he suddenly dun wanna go JP. haha so went to lot1 wif xuan n candy mi lor. but mi go pick wei wei up first. den go mi's hse. dear dun wanna go in. so i pei him sit outside n chit chat. hmmm. den went to (let's eat) to eat dinner. mi's treat. dear bu hao yi si, keep wanting to pay mi back. haha. den he nagged her fer soOooooOo long sia. bth them. in e end oso nv take e money.
den on our wae hum dear was tinking of sth. xiang de hen ru shen. dun look like him at all. v scary. me was v worried. worried abt wad he was tinking. worried dta i said sth wrong den make him angry or sth. lotsa worries. "tap" almost open. but nv. promise is a promise. first time i c him liddat. no smiles no luffter on his face. zhen de hen dan xin ta. den tried waes to cheer him up. in e end we go buy triple choco icecream. it reali works ah. finali he tot of wad he was tinking abt liao. soccer. ha ha. hai wo bai dan xin yi chang. but as long as he is alright, i'm alright. he happie means i happie. but if he's sad, gradually i will feel sad too de lor. cos he's my onli dear. *dear, jus wanna let u noe dat no matter wad happens, i'll be by ur side k.* =)

thirteen. april .2oo5
todae v miracle. didnt msg dear much. he whole nite nv slp, tis morning still earli earli go marina wif e abangs. so ke lian. now he slping liao. cos lata wanna wake up watch match. haiyo. todae ah, onli msg him like abt 20 msg nia. broke our record liao. cos eva since e dae i knew dear we NEVER msg so lil fer one dae. shi you yi dian dian bu xi guan la. but i would rather let him slp more n rest more lor. so i hav to bear wif it. bu ke yi qu chao xing ta. haix. so many hw to do. stack up until one mountain liddat. dunno when will clear all. even if clear liao e nxt dae another stack will form. when will tis eva stop man. sonner or lata sure cant take it de lor. sian sia. breakdown how? =x promise dear cannot breakdown liao. you shen me shi dear hui zai wo shen bian de. =D hehe. all i can sae is, "lurve is powerful!!" todae's NAPHA was quite gd. haha. ai de jing shen. helps alot eh. lol. hmmm. k la. gotta go continue wif my hw le. reali miss him so much. gonna numb myself wif hw!! tata.

hmMm. miSs deAr reAl loAds. hE nOw hAviNg diNner brEak. hAviNg diNner aT SAKAE!! wAs suPpoSe tO wAtcH moVie wiF xUan n koOn dE. bUt noNe oF uS waNna giVe iN. oNe waN loT1 e oThEr waN wEstmAll. haHa. sO eNdeD uP nT goiNg. rEaliSe sTh toDae. i caNt reAl shaRe wAdeVa i feEl wiF xuAn. sHe's v tEmpEramEntal. sAe sTh sHe nT haPpiE sHe sUre sHooT bAck dE loR. deN sHe'll moOd swiNg deN blAh blaH blAh. wHicH meAns mE goNna hAv a haRd tiMe iN sCh. duNno wHen sHe'lL fA pi Qi wHen shE'll cRy heR hEaRts oUt. fRm toDae oNwaRds aH. i'Ve leArnt tO bE v cAutiOus wiF mY woRds loR. bU rAn xiN kU de sHi zI jI. aRgh! miSs hiM rEal loAds!!! wonDer wHen hiS meEting wiLl fiNish. hE stiLl hAv tA c e bAckstAbbEr. sAd feR hiM. mAke sUre sHe doEsnt mAke hiS daE bAd. iF nT i'Ll sLaugHter heR iF i miT heR nExt tiMe mAn.
hEn xiAng mSg tA. dan sHi yOu bU xiAng diStuRb hiS mEetiNg. sO i sHall wRitE evErytHing heRe iNstEad.
dA beN bEn. wO hAo xiAng nI oRh. r u feEliNg e saMe toOo? i nOe u sUre is dE riTe? heH hEh. wO xI waNg nI heN kUai jiU hUi mSg wO oRh. *wAitiNg* muAckx!
yuPpx. fRm todAe oNwaRds. 2 stUpiD sEssiOns oF tUt. goNna hAv leSs tiMe wiF deAr le. coS hE oSo goiNg bAck to sCh sOon. oNli gT sAt toGethEr. reAli reaLi hoPes dAt NOBODY wiLl cuM deStRoy dAt daE. cOs dAt's e oNli dAe i caN sPend e wHolE dAe wiF deaR. heN xiAng yOu dUo yi diAn sHi jiAn pEi nI. bUt wE duN hAv aLl e tiMe to oUrseLveS!! sO uNfaiR. y cAnt wE hAv 48 hRs a daE??
oKay. i nOe i'M drEamiNg. duN giVe a daMn aBt mE. i'M liDdAt wheN i miSseS hiM. caNt hElp iT toO. =)
dA beN bEn, wO yoNg yuAn aii nii oRh! =D

hEys pPl!! i'M bAck bLoggiNg lo. haHa. kiNda loSt toUch wiF e coM tiNgy aFteR sUch a loNg tiMe siA. liFe hAs beEn rEali grEat feR mE exCepT tHosE teRribLe hW daT i hAv loR. deAr dUi wO cHao hAo! yiNg wEi yoU ni, wO de sHi jiE biAn de gEn mEi li. deAr, thAnks feR aLl e suPpoRt n eNcouRagEmeNt. muAckx. =D