i jus heard sth which is sOooOoo damn farni okay. even candy mi noes it n she's keeping it frm me. wad a joke. n u noe wad she says? she said dat he didnt wan me to noe. alrite. i can accept it. cos i said we shall live on our own. but y mus he go tell candy mi abt tis n go tell xuan abt it oso? doesnt he noe dat they r my fren. they'll tell me somehow wad rite. wad an idiot. everyone ard me noes. n i'm kept in da dark. fer how long? i dunno. i jus noe it sux alrite. everyone pls back off.

ooHhh.. it's been time since i last blogged. exams r nearing. v v near. i can sense de tension among everyone. except fer me. lol. jialats la. prepared to fail liao. now take exams purely fer e sake of taking. nth else. hmmm. shan n hui finali he hao le. i happie sia. dun hav to kiap in between them again. i reali hope everything will go well n smoothly fer e five of us. which are me, xuan, shan, hui n germ. e five sistas. =) 4eva sistas okie? rem da pact ah. hahaha.


hmmm. todae me n shan kinda hav a lil tok. yupp. abt rs. wad else man. she's going thru quite alot. everone is. incl hui. haix. wan to help them. but dunno how to. i oso nt gud wif my wrds. lata sae sth wrong den jialats. hui ah. it's ur choice whether u wanna take tis risk anot lor. no matter wad choice u made i oso wish u'll be happie wif it okie? u will hav my support. =) as fer shan leh. eh.. ren yi shi feng ping lang jing, tui yi bu hai kuo tian kong. understand? dun be rush wif ur decision. everything can solve de. bu yao so ren xing. gt anything can cum tok to me. i'll be most glad to be ur listening ear. will try v hard to give ya some advice if possible. cheers.


n xuan oso. dun be so bothered by trival things. ur probs r probs dat can be solved. anything oso can cum find me. haha. dun nid sae. u oso will cum find me de. we r sistas. we share wealth n woes k. =) we r twins!!! lol. cheer up man.


as fer myself leh. kinda getting used to life without him le bah. tis morning shan kinda mention him i oso alrite alrite. hmmm. gud thing? maybe. haha. life is great fer me. except fer da exams stress. k la. nt reali v stress oso. lol. cos i until now still slacking. haha. as fer rs leh. yi qie shun qi zi ran bah. dun wanna tink so much abt tis things now. but i tink i gt a crush on someone. gosh! =X hahahhaha. k. shall nt tok much. i'll shut up. *grins*


haha. jus had a discussion wif shan abt e programme on her bdae which is teachers' dae. going marina fly kite. lol. will be asking e other sistas along too. so i hope e weather wont play a trick on us yeah. cos it's been mths n mths since we last went out together. though tis time round got ujin, but we will treat him as transparent de. lol. =X no la jk. it'll still be fun rite? yupps. looking forward lo.



* AWAITING FIRST.SEPTEMBER *

oh ho ho. haha. like long nv update. k la. 4 daes. eh. wad happen during tis 4 daes leh? like nt much leh. no much ying xiang u noe. hmm. shall nt sae much. cos i seriously hav nth to sae. jus wanna let ya peeps noe i'm well n alive.

hoho. finali dropped lit liao. no more long long essays fer me! woohoo! yupps. todae is jun's bdae. same thing. one yr older one yr wiser. haha. went to his hse todae. play majong n blackjack. eat oso. fun sia. but xuan left too earli le. she left us fer "hao liao"! humph. well. i did enjoy myself alot. haha. play play play. hmmm. den abt 6 liddat left his hse. whole grp of us go makan. den separate cos they wanna go chong's hse watch soccer. wad sia. pang seh lor. ooohhh. den me, koon n lim go hum. sian. so here i am blogging. sia la. wad a dae man. oh ya. oso to imform u guds abt e change of my hp num. new num: 81022936 pls change accordingly okie. =)

well well well. haha. i realise it's been daes since i last blog. yeah. getting lazy ah. aniwae. didnt c y i hav to blog everydae oso. cos everydae oso tok abt my mountain of hw duh. yupps. tis few daes okay okay lor. made up muai mind. gonna drop literature. like shit liddat. oh ya. ytd is eng o's oral. kaos. like fcuk sia. i was stuttering all da wae. y? cos i nervous! tink i gonna fail fer it man. den mus chiong my paper1 n 2 to compensate.


hmmm. gonna get new fone too. wif a new num. so dat i will hav new life. n i gonna spend da money dat was saved during dat period of time. haha. will onli keep 3 coins fer keepsake. which is those dat were saved during our trip to genting. cos it's malaysia ringgit wad. cant use in singapore. whahaha. ho ho ho. buy new fone! new line! new num! muahahahha. new life too!


eh.. tml jas bdae. ho ho. sixteen lo. one yr older one yr wiser ah. haha. wish ya happie bdae in advance.

muahahaha. one again. i didnt turn up in sch todae. reali sick of tis kinda life. well, i'm looking so forward to life after o's. dat'll be so damn shiok. life without books n teachers n sch. woohoo! *waiting* hmmm. if i could successfully drop lit den my life in sch would be more peaceful. i will so be looking forward to be in sch. lit is reali getting tougher. i cant cope wif it any longer. haix. life is damn boring. oh ya. amanda is back in sch. when she shouldnt be. n i tink she noe sth she didnt reali wanna noe? yeah. kinda pity her la. but.. we dun hav a choice rite manda? jus learn to accept it bah. i'll be dere fer u. =) n hor.. manda ah. wait till ya fully recover liao den go sch la. so eager to cum back fer wad sia. cant stay at hum dun wan. lata i kana how. if kana i sure happie la. but i dun wan to be kept in da hse fer like 2 weeks noe. hahaha. aniwae. take care of urself. take cares peeps!

rtie. i was dealt 3 blows within 2 daes. fun rite? 2 big ones. gt back my chi results todae. one of e big blows. i gt an B3 which is like far frm my standard? yeah. veri veri disappointed wif myself. howeva, i wasnt onli da onli one hu was feeling liddat. alot of them oso sad. everyone did nt do well oso. so we r going to pull ourselves together n work fer our goals. TOGETHER as a klass. i believe we can.


2nd blow is him of cos. hu is able to do dat other den him rite. expected de. my sixth sense wasnt dat bad. yupp. since u said it. i shall grant u ur wish. but i will make u regret fer wad u did. FER LIFE! trust me. u shant bother me animor alrite! i shall walk outta ur shadow on my own. i believe i can. shall ignore u completely n erase u frm my memory as fast as i can. i shall keep no contacts wif u. jus live ur own life n i will live mine. happier den u! i guarantee. i shall be strong. be brave. it's nt e end of e world rite. i shant give up e whole forest jus fer e sake of one tree. still gt many many other tress fer me to go care abt. i shant go bother abt a tree which is rotting like fcuk on e inside but still looks beautiful on e outside. u ofrced me to do tis. i dun hav a choice. i reali regret meeting a racsal like u okay. wad's wrong wif my luck man. damn suay. n i called u a rascal. i dun feel wrong. u r one wad. i heard tis saying before. "dun be affected over a breakup. u r jus losing a person hu doesnt lurves u. but dat person lost a person hu lurves him/her. in e end hu is at e losing end?" e person hu initiates it rite?! so i sholudnt hav anithing to worrie abt wad. is u chi kui nt me. u ask me forget. i will. but dun tink everything is done liddat. i will make u regret it. believe me. u r nt fit to be my fren. cos i hate ur attitude towards things. i noe u gt cum read my blog one. after tis entry, dun bother to do dat anymore in e future. cos i dun nid u to interfere in my life. maybe nt interfere. i dun nid u to noe wad's happening in my life. cos u hav no rites to. pls bear tis in mine. THANK YOU!


3rd blow. derrick is outta superstar. well, i was sad n disappointed as well. budden it wasnt so bad afterall. cos i noe he did his best, he did performed his best. so i'm gonna support no matter wad. i believed his fans were equally devastated. but cheer up. he's owaes a superstar in our heart rite? dat's enuff le bah. aniwae. he still young wad. sure gt other opportunities waiting fer him de lor. so dun give up yeah? go derrick!

haix. ytd i ki siao again. suddenly got so much so much want to sae to u. but dunno how to express myself thru words. so i went to xuan fer help. but she oso didnt help much. she onli ask me write dwn wad i wanna sae on a piece of paper den ask someone pass to him. den whether or nt he wanna do sth is his prob. haix. she tinks it's easi. she nv tink of e consequence one. gud nvm. bad how? but she said sth veri true. life is abt taking risk. it's either u do it n u fail or u dun do it n nth happens. if do maybe gt chance to succeed. but hu noes rite. i'm afraid of failing. once bitten twice shy. she told me i should wait. he did tis cos he was stressed up. he probably felt guilty fer being too busy wif his things n no time to pei me. well. if tis is it. he's too silly. i dun nid to hav him by my side every single dae. all i ask fer is his weekend. n it's like saturdae onli lor. cos i noe his sundae is reserved fer family. i noe. i'm nt being too demanding rite. but aniwae. i dun dream abt tis. cos i noe it's impossible. i shant dream of e impossible. well. since i cant express myself ytd on paper. i shall do it here. all of e peeps here r my frens. i shouldnt hide anything frm them oso. but if any bitch or bustards came across my blog, read n give nasty comments, i hav nth to sae. all i wanna sae is buzz off n go stuff ur head into e shithole.

rite. i wanna sae i miss u. alot alot. practically nth can kick u off my mind. alrite? i may look i'm okay wif it oreadi frm e surface. but hu has eva gone into my inner world after u hav left? nobody. n i mean N-O-B-O-D-Y. sometimes when i was reminded of u den xuan came probing. asking e obvious. i owaes deny. den ytd i go tok to her abt tis she sae she ask i oso dun wanna tell her anything. how to. she has her own prob. everyone has their own prob to be troubled wif. how can i go bother someone further wif my own. am i rite. other den xuan.. oso cant approach hui. she's worst. shan leh? needless to sae. i dun even noe wad to sae when i c her. haix. can we like start all over again? i'm willing to change my attitude. reali i am. losing u is a great blow to me. until now i oso cant zhen zuo qi lai. everyone has been asking me to be strong. be brave. go into another new relationship. but i jus couldnt bring myself to do dat. i dunno. y. wheneva i felt reali stressed up. u r my strength. my onli hope to continue n persevere. dat's how u encourage me last time. i used to nt hav confidence wif wad i'm doing. is u hu give me e confidence. e tot of u brightens me up wheneva i'm feeling dwn. many times i tot of ending my life. but i was reminded of wad u sae last time. "live happily wif or without u". i told u before i cant afford to lose u. eva since u came into my life. u hav been my pillar of support. now i've lost it. but i'm hanging on imagining u r dere. but soon ppl will wake me up frm my dreamland. i will den realise i'm left alone. i dunno how long i can still hold on. maybe after o's? or even maybe before o's. i wont noe. i reali nid u by my side. hiax. wo zhi dao shuo shen me dou mei you yong de. i noe nth can change ur mind. but as u said before. we wont noe wad e future holds. so i'm giving it a try. whether or nt i succeed depends on fate depends on u. i've said all i could to salvage tis relationship. n i'm reali serious abt it. so whether or nt it will bcum reality is up to u alreadi. haix. xi wang ni neng hao hao kao lv okay? pls give me a chance to change n prove it to u.




*waiting*

whao. ytd's fireworks display was spectacular man. actuali didnt wanna go de. budden after i heard wad shans sae, so i tot i could go give it a try. but i noe e chance of seeing him dere is like so lil. less den one percent? i still go ahead hoping dat e less den one percent chance is of use. howeva, i was disappointed. haix. but nvm. use to it can liao.

kinda regret going dere wif e two of them. i cant stand it man. i shant go on further cos i'm nt suppose to. but it reali affects me. i tried so hard nt to revealed my expressions. but they r idiotic. keep asking n remminding me. i reali wish i could shut their mouth n jus leave me alone in my dimension. i dun wan to be wif them in their lala land. i had such a terrible time. haix. poor me. everyone is getting attached. rite. sooner i'll be left alone. all alone.

i realise dat every yr e same thing happens fer me. last yr i went to watch e fireworks dat time i like cy. den it's like we watching e fireworks "together" but at diff places. tis yr oso de same. i noe i'm watching de same thng as him. budden we r at diff places. haix. so near yet so far. fate is disturbing. let me mit u n take u awae frm me. wad de. i hav nth to sae. all i can sae is i admit to defeat. i can do nth to change it. u more powerful okay. i cant outdo u.



FATE

haha. a proof dat i gt go c da fireworks! nice. but tis is nt e nicest. mus go dere to see den u noe.  

muahahaha. retail therapy reali works man. i'm feeling so much more betta. had earthquake todae. lol. okay la. quite fun. wif xuan n ben. bought quite a num of things. all beaded. lol. abit retro. but v cute n colourful. haha. hmmm. wad now? daniel asked me wan go watch fireworks now anot. but dunno whether mummy let anot leh. sian leh. dunno how to ask oso. but i wanna go!! how..... sian sia.

haix. broke dwn again todae. all thanks to mrs ong. THANKS ah. she owaes saying sth she shouldnt. fine fine fine. it's her mouth. i cant control it either. all i can sae is she's happily wif mr ong n she doesnt noe wad i'm going thru. well, one fine dae u shall realise. i'm nt trying to curse u or wad. but wad cum ard goes ard. e world is fair. it's jus a matter of time. u shall speak nth in front of me nxt time pls. i dun wan another breakdwn. a happie bright-lit morning.. me wif a chirpy mood.. sweet smile turns to thunderstorm n rivers rushing dwn e stream. wad de fcuk. k. i shant tok abt it liao. e weather isnt gud. i musnt let it affects my mood oso. gonna go fer retail therapy lata. if nt i xin li bu shuang! rite. gonna go shou shi my xin qing now. lata go gai gai mus be happie. mus look chio. humph!


bRokEn

whahahaha. first faint case on 6 aug. guess i'm dying soon. best. well. tis is wad happened. i was out fer shopping wif my cousins. den suddenly my visions blurred. i noticed sth wrong liao lor. den suddenly bcum worst. jus blackout. hahahha. den my cousin give me sweet ask me suck. den slowly recover liao. maybe faint due to ping xue bah. meaning nt enuff red blood cells. i dunno. wadeva la. dun care. happens second time den i go c doc lor. sure will draw blood to test de. i scared. lata gt lukemia how ah? will die de leh. haiya. die die lor. no nid take o's.

dwn wif sickness

kae. i realise i v long nv update my blog liao. haha. was quite busy fer da past few daes. alot of overdue homeworks. argh. ya. ytd went jas' hse. was alrite la. haha. was scareded by maxi. her dog. but it's cute. den they "swimming" i c them swim. lol. at first was on e losing side one. budden jas+allen+me = victory lol. yeah. i went back hum quite earli cos my mum wad nagging liao. they swim until 11 liddat den go hum. haha. wad was i doing dat time ah? oh ya. haha. slping lo!! hmmm. den still gt wad ah? todae.... nth much happen bah. here i am blogging. den lata go poa tut lor. EXAMS COMING!!!! holy shit man. been ponning lotsa tut. bcos i D-U-N W-A-N-N-A go. imple n easy. dun ask me y. i jus dun feel like going. e tension is killing me. kaes. nxt nxt tue is my o's eng liao. nxt fri most prob getting back chi o's results. oh god. wad de fcuk. i gonna break dwn if i dun get at least an A2 fer chi. *god bless me* kaes. i saw u online. u didnt bother to cum n tok to me. fine. i shall do likewise. dun eva regret ur doings. cos u deserve it. soon. soon i will erase u frm my memory. delete all ur contacts. but i wont throw awae e things u gave me. cos it's money. i'll be a real stoopid if i throw awae all those money jus to get u off my fcuking brain.



MEMORIES

haha. didnt go sch todae. cos i dun wan to. sick of it man. homeworks n mock exams. rite. aniwae. i seriously nid a break frm all tis crap shit. i shall be free.. somedae.. i longed to be free one dae. haha. xuan oso pon wif me. den we went klunch n den to polyclinic. wakao. low efficiency. waited damn long man. jus to get da stoopid mc. fine. 2 hrs in exchange of one piece of paper. nth more i can sae.

another one. onli diff pose nia. 

heh heh. new neoprints.  

haix. guess i'll hav less time to update my blog nowadaes. so many overdue hw. dere's more piling up. dammit. exams r jus ard da corner. getting our chi o's results soon. haix. scared i didnt perform up to my standard. den will hav to retake. haix. y mus we study. dun sudy bu shi hao lor. last time gt him. dat's y i managed to cope all these stress. now i'm all alone. i dunno whr to go went out all these stress. sonner or lata i wont be able to take it de lor. will die de. worst cum to worst i'll jus end my life. den everything will be fine rite. i appeared to be fine in da dae. jus like xuan. but when i faced my hw in da nite, i will go bonkers. normally i'll jus give up n go slp so dat i wont tink so much. little did i noe, i met u in lala land. fine! i can onli mit u in lala land. seriously i dun mind. at least i could still feel ur hugs. *slaps* kae. i'm dae-dreaming again. dammit. when can i eva completely let it go. i'm seriously sick n tired of all tis lor. somedae. jus somedae. i might nt be able to hold it animor. n i shall perish...

haha. happie bdae dominic! well. ytd's campfire was quite boring. maybe bcos me n xuan was being lectured quite a few times. by jason n vijay. damn arse stoopid. i c jason my legs bcum jelly. cant even tok properly lor. wad de f*. but nvm. i shall be strong n serve de society. oh ya. e tsunami scouts so shuai sia. all so stylo de. yupps. n i made lotsa new frens. new rovers like evelyn n min wen. den gt frm unity de wei bin n desmond. den still gt e leader beatrice, justin n wei hong. all nice ppl WHEN THEY NT SERIOUS. oh ya. missed out yu mei n serene. ya. kenny is a v gud leader. still gt alot to learn frm him. so.. ytd's campfire shall be my last one until i've finished my o's. yeah. shall now concentrate on my studies liao. 3 A's one meal. rem hor bai chi! =X haha. oh ya. celebrated eileen's sixteenth bdae too. at kbox. hahahaha. vs lol. fun sia.

4:15 AM