Welcome to the Greenery Land.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

hmmm. here i m, blogging again. haix. 4th dae? macham 4 yrs liddat. du ri ru nian. f*ing. tried so hard to control my emotions in sch. i did make it. luff v hard in sch. luff at e slightest tingy so keep myself look happie in front of everyone. i didnt wan to pretend. i reali didnt wan to. but i'm left wif no choice. dat's all i can do to make everyone nt to worri fer me. i hated to be alone. e feeling jus scares me. cos i would tink wild if i'm alone. dun wan to. but no choice. i wasnt give any choice eva since seventeen. april .2oo5. all i can do is tolerate n keep everything to myself. cant tell anyone. nt even my close frens. shan is attached now. so she wont reali understand how i felt now. as fer xuan. she'll sae all those dat is of no help to me. all she'll do is make me cry n cry over n over again. telling me to carve tings on my hand to relieve myself. craps. so i cnat listen to her oso. candy? she'll jus sae wait fer miracles to happen. den *hugs*. den " dun tink so much ". dat's all. now u ppl sae wadeva tingy oso cant get into my brains. cos it's stuffed wif memories, memories n memories. n him n him n him. ytd nite dreamt of ferris wheel. hurh. big big one. reminds me of 'ur' dream. e promise. dat we'll go sit ferris wheel together. but in ytd's dream, i was alone. alone looking at e ferris wheel n tinking of 'u'. haix. everything is e past liao.

tis morning woke up. same old tingy. tot of 'u' first. den how m i going to spend todae happily. haix. but no ans. den shan ask me pei her go wm buy her 1mth pressie. oh god. of all ppl, y me. was v v unwilling to go. but dun wanna pangseh her oso. no choice again. haix. twenty-four. april .2oo5. her 1mth. twenty-too. april .2oo5. suppose to be 'our' 2mths. haix. coincidence. too much of a coincidence. too much fer me to take. was so looking forward to dat dae. but all is nth now.

everyone was like asking me if i'm okay everydae. of cos mus reply okay la. if nt reply nt okay meh. sick n tired of it lor. i noe they care abt me. but they didnt noe it make me feel even more sad. haix. midyr cuming v v soon. wondering how to cope wif all tis stress. if i do badly fer tis time, i'm doom! reali doom. bt mit my doom sooner oso gd la. dun hav to suffer so much. sch work, e breakup. all tis giving me alot of troubles. v troubled by it. sooner or lata sure fall sick sure breakdown one lor. me nt robots. cannot take everything at 1 go de lor. haix. jian chi dao hen xin ku. you shui ke yi lai bang bang wo, bang wo du guo zhe ge nan guan. haix. chu le ni, hai hui you shui you zhe ge neng li pei wo du guo hei ye, zou xiang ming tian. haix.

11:35 AM