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Monday, May 02, 2005

haix. shi jian zhen de guo de hao kuai orh. so fast 1st may liao. jing tian ye shi wo men fen shou 2 wks. sometimes reali wonder how i can pull thru tis 2 wks man. haix. zhen de hen xin ku.

thirty. april .2oo5
hmmm. firstly in da morning. went to find shan. den go to our hse dere de mac eat n study lor. study chi. do alot of tys. quite alrite lor. at least can concentrate a lil. den ujin came. dunno y c him den will remind me of HIM. den start to mood swing liao. mood buang. but i dun tink they 2 gt realise bah. in their world of their own. understandable. we use to do dat too. hmmm. den study until abt 4 plus liddat they sae wan go watch movie. den ask me wanna go anot. i sae no $$. den ujin sae he blanja lor. i dun wish to be de lightbulb de. budden wo zhen de bu xiang yi ge ren. so go wif them lor. but most of e time i oso leave them alone. me will walk on my own. xiang zi ji de dong xi lor. eyelid twitch until v jialat. e last time it twitched is when he asked fer a breakup. now is de same eye. reali scared sth will happen to him. *prays* they c me xin qing bu hao. ujin ask me wan eat ice cream anot. i sae dun wan. den he ask me wan eat chocolates anot. i oso sae dun wan. cos when i wif him dat time bu kai xin de shi hou jiu shi chi ice cream n chocolates de. triple chocolate ice cream. haix. hen jiu hen jiu mei you chi le. den last idea he gave. go arcade fa xie xin qing. den had a race of daytona. was actuali da last. budden overtake shan at e last min. haha. ke shi xin qing hai shi yi yang zao. den i go para. after dat hand pain. mood still same. cant stand it. den nth to do liao. still gt some time b4 e movie starts. den walk ard lor. den in de movie i brokedwn. cos it reminds me of how he use to ask me wan baobao anot. cold anot. den scared can go find him. haix. but i was alone ytd. thruout de movie. though shan sae i can hold her hand if i'm scared. but it's so farni lor. she wif ujin den suddenly gt one hand pop out. wo mei you zhe yang bu yao lian okay. so i pretend i'm nt scared. dun nid anyone to accompany me de. but xiang qi zhe xie, tears jus roll. haix. zhen shi mei yong. den after de movie go hum. intended to walk hum myself de. budden they bu fang xin. so walk behind me. den i cry lor. candy mi call. den i tok to her n cry at e smae time. looking at e sky. can c lotsa stars. shining so brightly. so beautiful. xiang qi yi qian again. everytime walk hum wif him den happens to hav no stars at all. den wheneva i walk alone or wif other ppl den will hav de. zhen gao bu dong wei shen me. cry while looking at all e stars. den sit dwn at my hse dwnstairs cos dun wish to go up so earli. den cry on shan's shoulder. shld be ur shoulder de lor. haix. ku wan le cai shang qu. hen sian. everything oso will make me tink of u. yao wo zhen me qu zuo shi. shen me dou zuo bu liao. at mac, shan said sth. which is reali reali true. "ujin zai ben lai jiu shi yi ge cuo wu." cos ujin n HIM is v v alike. i can e HIS image when i look at ujin. same wae of toking. same wit. same action. haix. bu dong la. den at nite e chong dong to msg HIM. so i did. n i said crap. ming zhi dao jump dwn will die i still wanna jump dwn go song si. in e end reali si diao liao ah. HE tai ren xin le. yi ju "wo men hai shi peng you". enuff to kill me. haix. bu shuo le. shuo xia qu my hse gonna bcum swimming pool liao lor. yupp. shall stop here. but actuali still gt lotsa ting keep in here (pointing to my heart). zhi shi bu fang bian jiang chu lai ba le. hai you hen duo hen duo. wan to tok oso cant. candy mi oso gt her own prob. xuan gen bu yong shuo. she was nv dun hav prob de. as fer shan leh. she oso dun understand. ha. HE ytd sae if i nid listening ear can call or msg him. he tink he god or wad ah. nid listening ear oso nt him lor. all my probs dou shi ta. he dun expect me to call him den sae how much i miss him how much i care fer him n he dwn dere hear me cry fer him rite. he reali v farni lor. or i shld sae naive. bu zhi dao. hen duo hen duo de bu zhi dao.

*// blue`xindi *//
*cries*

2:44 AM