haix. ytd i ki siao again. suddenly got so much so much want to sae to u. but dunno how to express myself thru words. so i went to xuan fer help. but she oso didnt help much. she onli ask me write dwn wad i wanna sae on a piece of paper den ask someone pass to him. den whether or nt he wanna do sth is his prob. haix. she tinks it's easi. she nv tink of e consequence one. gud nvm. bad how? but she said sth veri true. life is abt taking risk. it's either u do it n u fail or u dun do it n nth happens. if do maybe gt chance to succeed. but hu noes rite. i'm afraid of failing. once bitten twice shy. she told me i should wait. he did tis cos he was stressed up. he probably felt guilty fer being too busy wif his things n no time to pei me. well. if tis is it. he's too silly. i dun nid to hav him by my side every single dae. all i ask fer is his weekend. n it's like saturdae onli lor. cos i noe his sundae is reserved fer family. i noe. i'm nt being too demanding rite. but aniwae. i dun dream abt tis. cos i noe it's impossible. i shant dream of e impossible. well. since i cant express myself ytd on paper. i shall do it here. all of e peeps here r my frens. i shouldnt hide anything frm them oso. but if any bitch or bustards came across my blog, read n give nasty comments, i hav nth to sae. all i wanna sae is buzz off n go stuff ur head into e shithole.

rite. i wanna sae i miss u. alot alot. practically nth can kick u off my mind. alrite? i may look i'm okay wif it oreadi frm e surface. but hu has eva gone into my inner world after u hav left? nobody. n i mean N-O-B-O-D-Y. sometimes when i was reminded of u den xuan came probing. asking e obvious. i owaes deny. den ytd i go tok to her abt tis she sae she ask i oso dun wanna tell her anything. how to. she has her own prob. everyone has their own prob to be troubled wif. how can i go bother someone further wif my own. am i rite. other den xuan.. oso cant approach hui. she's worst. shan leh? needless to sae. i dun even noe wad to sae when i c her. haix. can we like start all over again? i'm willing to change my attitude. reali i am. losing u is a great blow to me. until now i oso cant zhen zuo qi lai. everyone has been asking me to be strong. be brave. go into another new relationship. but i jus couldnt bring myself to do dat. i dunno. y. wheneva i felt reali stressed up. u r my strength. my onli hope to continue n persevere. dat's how u encourage me last time. i used to nt hav confidence wif wad i'm doing. is u hu give me e confidence. e tot of u brightens me up wheneva i'm feeling dwn. many times i tot of ending my life. but i was reminded of wad u sae last time. "live happily wif or without u". i told u before i cant afford to lose u. eva since u came into my life. u hav been my pillar of support. now i've lost it. but i'm hanging on imagining u r dere. but soon ppl will wake me up frm my dreamland. i will den realise i'm left alone. i dunno how long i can still hold on. maybe after o's? or even maybe before o's. i wont noe. i reali nid u by my side. hiax. wo zhi dao shuo shen me dou mei you yong de. i noe nth can change ur mind. but as u said before. we wont noe wad e future holds. so i'm giving it a try. whether or nt i succeed depends on fate depends on u. i've said all i could to salvage tis relationship. n i'm reali serious abt it. so whether or nt it will bcum reality is up to u alreadi. haix. xi wang ni neng hao hao kao lv okay? pls give me a chance to change n prove it to u.




*waiting*