i'm a failure. total failure. i dunno wad's wrong wif me last nite. i jus cant slp alrite. i was tossing n turning on my bed frm 2.3o am onwards. i dunno wad time i fell aslp. all i noe is i kept tinking abt him n those memories flashed back like wad liddat. i also tot abt many things. but none of it is not abt him. wad to do man. i'm feeling so shitty. i keep telling myself it's time to wake up frm tis beautiful dream already. i'll soon be getting into another fairytale if i let go. but i guess my mind not strong enuff. nth can overcome de devil in me. i reali wonder wad i can do. i've been keeping myself in one corner, trying so hard to avoid de hurtful world outside. but how long can i take tis. how long can i hide. i reali hav no idea. i reali dunno when i will heal totali. nobody understands wad i'm going thru. not even them. onli i myself do. so wad now? persevere or let go? or leave it to fate? or dneymefil? haix.. life is terrible fer me. i dunno how to make it betta. can someone paint my life colourful?